Infants are brought into the world without a care. Our families take care of us and feed us and clothe us. And they come with other baggage also, which they begin to unwittingly show and share with us.
As we continued to grow, we just accepted things as they were and continued to soak everything up like little sponges. And that has become the basis of who we are today. Even though we don't ever think of it, we are a product of our upbringing, and the truth is that our marriages today are also affected by this. Most of the time we're never even aware of it.
At the beginning of my marriage, I considered fighting to be the same as getting mad and holding grudges. I would bang things and slam doors. My husband came from a family where screaming was the way to win a fight. So for years, each of our arguments consisted of me slamming and banging, and him screaming, and neither of us realized we were just doing it as we had seen our parents do it. Once we recognized the pattern, we began to work through the issues and correct them.
Neither my husband or me had liked the way our parents dealt with arguments when we were growing up, but several years later it just so happened that we were creating the same pattern of poor communication between ourselves. We acknowledged that we would commit to working to resolve conflict with workable solutions.
You first must accept problems and conflicts to be true before you can change them. Once you acknowledge the patterns, then you must create your own patterns. Taking responsibility for your role in the relationship is a must if there is to be a workable solution found.
As we continued to grow, we just accepted things as they were and continued to soak everything up like little sponges. And that has become the basis of who we are today. Even though we don't ever think of it, we are a product of our upbringing, and the truth is that our marriages today are also affected by this. Most of the time we're never even aware of it.
At the beginning of my marriage, I considered fighting to be the same as getting mad and holding grudges. I would bang things and slam doors. My husband came from a family where screaming was the way to win a fight. So for years, each of our arguments consisted of me slamming and banging, and him screaming, and neither of us realized we were just doing it as we had seen our parents do it. Once we recognized the pattern, we began to work through the issues and correct them.
Neither my husband or me had liked the way our parents dealt with arguments when we were growing up, but several years later it just so happened that we were creating the same pattern of poor communication between ourselves. We acknowledged that we would commit to working to resolve conflict with workable solutions.
You first must accept problems and conflicts to be true before you can change them. Once you acknowledge the patterns, then you must create your own patterns. Taking responsibility for your role in the relationship is a must if there is to be a workable solution found.
About the Author:
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