When your wife is chronically ill it can be hard for her to think "romance." She may be in a great deal of physical pain or also suffer from side effects of the illness or medications, such as weight gain or loss, a "puffy prednisone," or even feeling sick to her stomach. She may also be dealing with the loss of her career and dealing with grief.
It's important to know that you are not alone. Nearly 1 in 2 people live with a chronic illness in the U.S. which means that a lot of marriages are disrupted by this uninvited third party of illness, often including mental illness as well. Sadly, seventy-five percent of them end in divorce.
Is it possible for you to make a difference and let her know you want to romance her? Of course! With a few simple ideas, you can get the spark back into your marriage.
Go ahead and buy her that box of chocolate, but if she is watching her weight, don't ruin her diet. Instead find some Russell Stover's sugar free chocolate at your local Target or even the pharmacy. Chocolate, along with coconut, pecans, and many more, all contain phenyl ethylamine, a chemical that produces the feeling of "being in love." Good place to start, don't you think?
Hold her hand. Yes, I know. You're hoping for more than just holding hands. But if it takes a woman without an illness awhile to get in the mood, you can imagine the affection she needs in order to forget her physical pain. Rub her back carefully, use an endearing name you haven't used in five years, and don't pressure her for more. Snuggle, cuddle, snuggle as if you will never let her go.
Tell her all the things you love about her: how strong she is, how much you admire her strength in coping with illness, how you're sticking around no matter what. Who needs romantic poetry? Speak from the heart!
Buy her something she wouldn't buy herself like a $20 bottle of lotion, a CD she's mentioned or a rocking chair for the patio. What is something that she could enjoy when she isn't feeling well? Pamper her.
Schedule a retreat for her at home. Find care for the kids, bring home dinner, and don't say anything when you come home at 6 p.m. and she's still in her pajamas.
Write little notes that she can find any time. And don't forget to say thanks too! For example, if she does laundry, put a note in your own sock drawer to find when she puts them away that says, "I know laundry isn't easy for you to do. Every time I find clean socks here I am reminded how much you love me and how blessed I am."
Get romantic at home. Looking for a romantic dinner idea for staying home? Buy an electric fondue pot and pledge to dip something in candlelight one evening a week and just talk.
Need conversation starters? Buy a game such as "To Know You ... Better" or buy a book. Just do a search on "book of questions" for dozens of options. There are still a million things you don't know about each other, and yes, talking does create intimacy.
Take the time to create the atmosphere. The new flameless candles that operate on a battery are great for a romantic environment. Make up a play list on your ipod that will take her back to simpler days. Bring a big bouquet of roses into the bedroom when she isn't looking.
There is no perfect way to romance your wife because every woman is different and needing different things. So communication is the key. Ask, "What are your biggest concerns right now? How can I help you feel more loved?"
You don't have to be perfect. By making an effort to create some romance in the relationship, it will bring some romance to your marriage! If she sees you reading a book on marriage or romancing your wife, she may just toss the book aside and grab you. Whoever said the most romantic thing a man can do are the dishes understood women perfectly.
It's important to know that you are not alone. Nearly 1 in 2 people live with a chronic illness in the U.S. which means that a lot of marriages are disrupted by this uninvited third party of illness, often including mental illness as well. Sadly, seventy-five percent of them end in divorce.
Is it possible for you to make a difference and let her know you want to romance her? Of course! With a few simple ideas, you can get the spark back into your marriage.
Go ahead and buy her that box of chocolate, but if she is watching her weight, don't ruin her diet. Instead find some Russell Stover's sugar free chocolate at your local Target or even the pharmacy. Chocolate, along with coconut, pecans, and many more, all contain phenyl ethylamine, a chemical that produces the feeling of "being in love." Good place to start, don't you think?
Hold her hand. Yes, I know. You're hoping for more than just holding hands. But if it takes a woman without an illness awhile to get in the mood, you can imagine the affection she needs in order to forget her physical pain. Rub her back carefully, use an endearing name you haven't used in five years, and don't pressure her for more. Snuggle, cuddle, snuggle as if you will never let her go.
Tell her all the things you love about her: how strong she is, how much you admire her strength in coping with illness, how you're sticking around no matter what. Who needs romantic poetry? Speak from the heart!
Buy her something she wouldn't buy herself like a $20 bottle of lotion, a CD she's mentioned or a rocking chair for the patio. What is something that she could enjoy when she isn't feeling well? Pamper her.
Schedule a retreat for her at home. Find care for the kids, bring home dinner, and don't say anything when you come home at 6 p.m. and she's still in her pajamas.
Write little notes that she can find any time. And don't forget to say thanks too! For example, if she does laundry, put a note in your own sock drawer to find when she puts them away that says, "I know laundry isn't easy for you to do. Every time I find clean socks here I am reminded how much you love me and how blessed I am."
Get romantic at home. Looking for a romantic dinner idea for staying home? Buy an electric fondue pot and pledge to dip something in candlelight one evening a week and just talk.
Need conversation starters? Buy a game such as "To Know You ... Better" or buy a book. Just do a search on "book of questions" for dozens of options. There are still a million things you don't know about each other, and yes, talking does create intimacy.
Take the time to create the atmosphere. The new flameless candles that operate on a battery are great for a romantic environment. Make up a play list on your ipod that will take her back to simpler days. Bring a big bouquet of roses into the bedroom when she isn't looking.
There is no perfect way to romance your wife because every woman is different and needing different things. So communication is the key. Ask, "What are your biggest concerns right now? How can I help you feel more loved?"
You don't have to be perfect. By making an effort to create some romance in the relationship, it will bring some romance to your marriage! If she sees you reading a book on marriage or romancing your wife, she may just toss the book aside and grab you. Whoever said the most romantic thing a man can do are the dishes understood women perfectly.
About the Author:
Free 40 pages of Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend by Lisa Copen when you subscribe HopeNotes chronic illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa is the director of Invisible Illness Awareness Week
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