If you want your ex back, is your plan to wait weeks or months and hope enough time has passed that they'll miss you and/or forgive you and want you back? Waiting weeks or months can cause you to lose your mate forever if they move on to someone else. Instead, try the following 3 step plan for getting your ex back in just days instead of months.
Step One: The very first thing you need to do is understand why the relationship got broke. What did you or they do that contributed to the split? What were the underlying reasons or the big problem that developed between you?
All relationships end for one of three primary reasons. First, you did them some wrong. Could be that you were too controlling or you committed infidelity. The second main reason is the reverse - they wronged you and you kicked them out. Third, you drifted apart, they lost their passion for you.
Admitting what went wrong is an important first step. You can't repair the relationship if you aren't clear about what got broken.
The Second Step is to have a special kind of conversation with them that focuses on how you both feel rather than on blaming and arguing. You want to make it clear in the beginning of this conversation that you aren't going to attack and blame, and they don't need to justify or explain. That you just want them to listen and be listened to. So, for example, if you cheated on them, you need to let them vent about their feelings about what you did, and you need to make them feel heard. (This step doesn't apply to Relationship Drift, you have to do something different.)
If you can both talk about your feelings about what went wrong, not get into blaming and arguing, then there is hope. The negative feelings you both have may need to be aired in a safe environment where you agree beforehand not to scream or make the other person wrong.
Step Three, the final step, depends on how well Step Two went. If you feel like the bad feelings have been aired sufficiently and vented, then you can apologize (or accept their apology) and see about getting back together.
You don't necessarily want to demand that they take you back or come back right now. You don't need to force them to make some big decision. But you can let them know what you want, that you'd like them to consider seeing you again. Leaving it up to them is often a great thing to do at this stage. There is more detail to each of these three steps, but they can often pave the way for you to get back with your mate.
Step One: The very first thing you need to do is understand why the relationship got broke. What did you or they do that contributed to the split? What were the underlying reasons or the big problem that developed between you?
All relationships end for one of three primary reasons. First, you did them some wrong. Could be that you were too controlling or you committed infidelity. The second main reason is the reverse - they wronged you and you kicked them out. Third, you drifted apart, they lost their passion for you.
Admitting what went wrong is an important first step. You can't repair the relationship if you aren't clear about what got broken.
The Second Step is to have a special kind of conversation with them that focuses on how you both feel rather than on blaming and arguing. You want to make it clear in the beginning of this conversation that you aren't going to attack and blame, and they don't need to justify or explain. That you just want them to listen and be listened to. So, for example, if you cheated on them, you need to let them vent about their feelings about what you did, and you need to make them feel heard. (This step doesn't apply to Relationship Drift, you have to do something different.)
If you can both talk about your feelings about what went wrong, not get into blaming and arguing, then there is hope. The negative feelings you both have may need to be aired in a safe environment where you agree beforehand not to scream or make the other person wrong.
Step Three, the final step, depends on how well Step Two went. If you feel like the bad feelings have been aired sufficiently and vented, then you can apologize (or accept their apology) and see about getting back together.
You don't necessarily want to demand that they take you back or come back right now. You don't need to force them to make some big decision. But you can let them know what you want, that you'd like them to consider seeing you again. Leaving it up to them is often a great thing to do at this stage. There is more detail to each of these three steps, but they can often pave the way for you to get back with your mate.
About the Author:
For a complete 7 Step Plan to get your ex back in one day, you can get a book on Get Your Ex Back In Hours. John Laney teaches relationship skills and you can get a free relationship intelligence course at Love Relationship Help.
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